What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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