I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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