ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
