I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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