I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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