Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
