first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Randomize
