Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
