where am i from again
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
