My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
