You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
