i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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