drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just threw up on my dentist
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
