I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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