I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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