we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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