hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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