your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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