listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
