i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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