its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
