If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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