I want to walk on stilts...naked
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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