Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
