you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
