Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
