I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
