My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
