You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
