Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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