Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
