Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
