U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
