Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
