Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
