she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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