So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize