I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
