Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
