Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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