Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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