I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
...so i touched it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
