Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So much rum. So many feels.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
