Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
