He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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