tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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