I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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