one might say we're banned from that church
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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