i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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