Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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