I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
