I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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