party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
