i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
