Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
