i just had sex bonerless
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
