i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
