Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Randomize
