pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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