apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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