I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
