yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
