I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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