I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
