he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
