Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
