absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize